Today I heard a caller on the radio share the good news that her brother was on his way back from Haiti with his two new adopted children. That's so exciting! But then my heart sank when I heard her say that she is going to get to meet them next week when they all go on a (extended) family vacation. What!?!?!
This tapped into one of my adoption nerves. (I have many adoption nerves) These kids are going to be going through so much change. They need time to adjust. They need time to learn who their new mother and father are. They need time to get used to a new time change. They need to find new American foods that they like. They need time to grieve all of their losses from leaving Haiti. Losses from leaving Haiti???, you ask. Well Heck Yes! Their whole world as they knew it is gone. They may/may not even understand what is happening to them. They probably have some language barriers. They will probably have much bigger spaces to live in. They will probably be overwhelmed by all of the STUFF we Americans have. They will be Overstimulated!!!
When might they be ready for a large family vacation? The answer to that is probably no time soon. They need time to define their new nuclear family. They need to time to build trust in their new parents. They need time to get used to the new sights and smells amongst them. This celebration of this wonderful ADOPTION is a huge deal!!!!!!!!!!! Why don't we acknowledge this? Why don't we want to accept this? Ok, I know I know. It might just be ignorance. But that's another adoption nerve. Why aren't we stressing the need for adoption education more? Whether it is a domestic adoption or an international adoption we all need to be educated. We need to be prepared. We need to be humbled. We need to be reminded that while adoption is a wonderful thing, it's not easy. It's complex and we need to honor all of the complexities.
#needed to vent
1 comment:
Hey - just saw this. These people obviously didn't use Bethany b/c last night as I was doing my mandatory Hague training the first 2 hour learning module was on "Attachment".... and clearly, taking a vacation with extended family a week after you get home is NOT a good idea to promote healthy attachment! :) Amen to agencies that require lots of adoption education!!! Love ya friend - thanks in advance for all the help and advice you are going to be able to give us!!
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