The Ode to the Big Blue Cup

At times nursing a baby can feel like the life is being sucked out of you. Seriously, every time I leave my house for even an hour I typically try to grab a water to go to get me through. At times I feel when I am nursing that I cannot possibly get enough food to eat or water to drink.  When we brought Walker home I chose the big blue cup and after a year of being by my side I dedicate this entry to the cup.  I typically fill this cup up 8-10 times a day and try to keep it with me throughout the day. Does this sound silly? It is!  And yet so very necessary.

Dearest Blue Cup,
You have sustained me for 12 months. My body and Walker's body thank you!
You  have been at my bedside for 12 months to get me through the late night/early morning feedings.
You have been a constant thought on my mind every day of the past year.
You have been spilled at least 20 times by one of the family members as I continue to leave you all around the house.
You have been a consistent topic of conversation. "Where is my cup?" "Has anyone seen my cup?"
Eric at dinner, "Do you have a glass?"  Me, "Where's my cup?"

And now, Dear cup, I say Thank you and cry a few tears as the year comes to a close and I don't need you as much as I used to.

Baby Things

Two people gave me their lists of baby necessities and I still have it in my baby book. It was so nice to hear from some experienced mommas on what they found most useful.  I've definitely done some things differently with Walker than I did with Simon. I wonder how many babies I would have to have before I got the newborn stage down.  There are so many newborn nuances it can be very overwhelming.

1. My Favorite Newborn books: 

•  Baby Wise:  I have definitely found this book to be frustrating at times. Neither of my boys have been Baby Wise perfection but I love the idea of following a routine. I am a routine person. We also looked that the parents that we really respect and many of them used this book so we took that as an encouragement to check into it.
• The Baby Whisperer: This book is very similar in many ways to Baby Wise. It has some awesome graphs for eating and sleeping needs at each development stage. The author has some ideals about getting babies to sleep that we did not follow but I use this as a resource consistently. 
  
• Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child: Another great sleeping resource. I have never had the courage to try to just let baby sleep how they want for the first 12 weeks. I am always too afraid of developing bad habits.  But I will say that I worked hard on sleep training Walker and it took him exactly 12 weeks (from his original due date) to get into a regular napping rhythm. This is more of a research based approach to sleep.
  
• The Happiest Baby on the Block : This is such a simplistic approach, one that we just pull out when we need to. The five S's. Suck, Swaddle, Shhhhhhh, Side and Sway/Swing (motion).  There are times when one or more of these 5 S's save the day.

     2. All Things Nursing/Feeding

• Madela Pump. Someone once told me to not skimp on a good pump and I believe that is great advice! That being said I am on my 3rd used pump, aka hand-me-downs.  All three have worked great for me. I don't work full time so I don't use it as much as others might. I have heard you can go to a clinic and have them test the power of your pump motor to ensure it's powerful enough.  
• Any nursing cover that has a built in wire.  Mine is a Bebe Au Lait.
• Lansinoh Breast Pads are my favorite and once my milk was more regulated I started using non disposable breast pads that I found on Diapers.com for daytime when I am less likely to have leakage. This has saved me a lot of money this time around.
• Madela Breast milk storage bags
• Madela Quick clean bags are so awesome!!! They didn't have these when I had Simon. I still wash all pump parts but then occasionally throw them in a bad in the microwave. Steam cleaned in 3 minutes.
• Boppy pillow with a nice and soft cover which is usually not what comes with them. I use the one that comes with it to but much prefer the softer cover. It's definitely nice to have two of these when one is in the wash. (I've heard great things about the Breast Friend but never bought it)
• Old cloth diapers make the best burp cloths. 
• Use Born Free bottles. Haven't had any issues with them.

   3. Stuff: a brief entry on stuff because, well, I'm not big on stuff

• One play mat/play gym. This is also easy to borrow. They don't use them for very long.
• One bouncy seat--An absolute necessity. I like one that can lay flat or adjust to sitting up for the different stages. 
• I skipped buying a swing and borrowed my sister's. Very expensive item that many ppl never use.  Both of my boys barely used it.
• I have adapted two different shelves into changing tables. Just put the big changing pad on top of a hip height book shelf. Built in storage. 
• We have the Bjorn baby carrier and a ring sling. Like both.  Walker took so many naps in the ring sling early on.  
• Strollers: When we had Simon we used the Graco Ipo umbrella and the Snap n Go.   We have gotten so much use out of both. My sister and a friend borrowed the Snap n Go. Perfect for short errands because it's lightweight and you don't have to move baby to put them in.  Now we most use the Baby Jogger City Select with two seats. Holy Cow: It is deluxe!!!!!  We love it!  (We got a major discount from a friend hook up through Zappos and are still pinching ourselves b/c we usually don't have "Nice" things). We have a single and double Baby Jogger running stroller.  Love them both! Got one used for free and one off craigslist. 
• No strong opinions over things like cribs, high chairs, etc other than don't overspend.
• If we had it to do over we would have gotten a nicer pack and play because we noticed that the more expensive the better cushion on the mattress. Ours is more like a piece of card board with a little cushion over it but it still works. 

Parenting Survival 101: Establish Mom Friends

Having Mom friends is nothing I ever thought about until I became a stay-at-home Mom to Simon. I was so excited to stay home with Simon in many ways and yet scared to death. I crave structure and predictability. I thrive on working with people, hello Extrovert.  It only took me a few days of being a Mom to realize there is little structure and hardly any predictability.  And yes, trust me I still try to achieve it! You can only do so much to get your kids to conform to your structured schedule.  In addition to those challenges, I am the not- so-typical woman who does NOT like to spend money and I dislike running errands and shopping.  To this day I strategically run errands by combining trips so as to limit my time running around. So much for buying time running errands and shopping!

In the beginning of my time at home I can remember Eric leaving for work on many days and just feeling a pit in my stomach. Oftentimes, I would cry. If I was feeling very resentful and Eric would wish me a good day I'd shoot back "You have a great day working. I'd do anything to go to work!" On some of Eric's not-so-smart moments he would respond saying "I'd do anything to stay home with Simon!'  Not a good thing to say to a very lonely and struggling new mom.

Here I sit though, almost three years later, and I can honestly say I am so blessed to stay at home with Simon, and now Walker.  The Lord has been so faithful to me and has continuously laid a fruitful path before me.

I have even gotten to a place where I have had to strip back our activities and play dates so that we could stay home more.  Some days Simon just wants to stay home in his pajamas and not be rushing out the door all in the name of a "play date". He can say that to me now, so I listen. I wonder how many times he would have asked me if we could just stay home before he had the voice to.


Even though I have a supportive husband and a loving community, I needed to develop more Mom friends.  It was one of those things that I had no idea I needed until I was desperate.  Who else wants to hear about poop stories, failed attempts to get kids to sleep, how do I get my body back, nursing struggles, lonely days, etc. Rest assured, the whole world doesn't need to hear it on Facebook.  But good Mom friends do care to hear your experiences.  Good Mom friends offer encouragement, even when you are being 100% irrational. Good Mom friends bring spontaneous coffee and food deliveries! (Yes, that's happened to me and it was amazing!)

Two years ago I felt a prompting to seek a Moms group and at that time my church did not have one.  When I inquired about it at church I was offered the privilege/task to start one.  After having Walker I realized that over half of the meals we received were from families we met through the Moms community group. What a huge blessing of community that Moms group has brought to me.  I have connected with so many women through this Moms group. And recently have begun to see the joy of extending those connection to our whole families.

Moms, do whatever you have to in order to develop your Mom Friends!  We need each other!  

The Entitled Parent

An innocent brief conversation with my good friend Lisa led to another brief conversation with my Mom and then they worked their way through my heart.

After having dinner with our families Lisa and I were cleaning up the dishes (meaning rinsing them and putting them into the automated dish washer). I made a comment, which I now find embarrassing, "Can you believe I lived in an apartment for five years without a dishwasher?" Terribly rough life.  Then Lisa said her Mom with four kids never had a dishwasher. I asked her if she ever complained and Lisa said No. Hmmm, we both paused slightly.

A few days later my Mom was with us for the day and we got on a similar subject.  We were talking about husbands helping out with the kids.  To sum it up, it would appear that many husbands are helping out at home with the kids and housework more today than ever before and yet I often feel unsatisfied. And I know I'm not alone in this. Stay at Home Moms are the worst culprits. It's almost like we want our husbands to pay because clearly we are paying for it (dang it!).

The truth is I couldn't ask for more from Eric. He walks in the door, rushes upstairs to change his clothes and engage with the family. Many times he takes Simon upstairs with him to help give me the chance to finish up dinner or to take care of Walker.  Typically after we eat, he engages the kid(s) while I clean up so that we can do something as a family before bedtime.  Some of our dearest friends shared with us long before we we became parents that the Dad took on the bedtime routine. We chose to do that as well, particularly to allow some good time with Simon and Eric when he was a baby since I was the one who did 95% of the feedings. It gave them a chance to have "their" time.

Why do I throw myself a pity party when I don't get to drink hot coffee? Why do I huff and puff as I clean up the dishes for the third time in the day? Why do I feel a sense of pride and desire acknowledgement for doing my daily tasks as a Mom?  Upon further reflection, I believe I've bought into the entitlement bug. I spoke about this in a previous post without realizing that I am not out of the woods on this struggle myself.  While being a Mom is hard work, it is my primary role right now and yes, most days it is anything but glamorous. Since I am in newborn land again I am feeling the pull even more as I'm trying to find a new routine with our new addition and struggling to even get a shower.

Many of us Moms tell each other we deserve our "ME" time and we deserve a break. Our husbands should help. We don't get a break, so why should they?  While breaks are very healthy and often necessary, feeling entitled to certain things seems to cause destructive thinking.  Oh dear, I guess I should just be completely honest. Why do I get upset when Simon won't nap? Because I DESERVE A BREAK!" I've got to find a way to embrace my role as a Mom, with the good, bad and the ugly because when I become overwhelmed I typically become resentful and that is not helpful for anyone, including me.  And I don't want my kids to remember me huffing and puffing while I do the dishes.  And I don't want to model entitlement by claiming my own time or my own special things.  And just because I have hard days, doesn't mean I need to project my frustration onto my husband.  (He's going to enjoy reading this admission!) 

I want to be done with the entitlement. If you are with me and hear me start talking like this, please shut me up!  No, I'm serious. (Even you Mom and Eric!)