Baby Things

Two people gave me their lists of baby necessities and I still have it in my baby book. It was so nice to hear from some experienced mommas on what they found most useful.  I've definitely done some things differently with Walker than I did with Simon. I wonder how many babies I would have to have before I got the newborn stage down.  There are so many newborn nuances it can be very overwhelming.

1. My Favorite Newborn books: 

•  Baby Wise:  I have definitely found this book to be frustrating at times. Neither of my boys have been Baby Wise perfection but I love the idea of following a routine. I am a routine person. We also looked that the parents that we really respect and many of them used this book so we took that as an encouragement to check into it.
• The Baby Whisperer: This book is very similar in many ways to Baby Wise. It has some awesome graphs for eating and sleeping needs at each development stage. The author has some ideals about getting babies to sleep that we did not follow but I use this as a resource consistently. 
  
• Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child: Another great sleeping resource. I have never had the courage to try to just let baby sleep how they want for the first 12 weeks. I am always too afraid of developing bad habits.  But I will say that I worked hard on sleep training Walker and it took him exactly 12 weeks (from his original due date) to get into a regular napping rhythm. This is more of a research based approach to sleep.
  
• The Happiest Baby on the Block : This is such a simplistic approach, one that we just pull out when we need to. The five S's. Suck, Swaddle, Shhhhhhh, Side and Sway/Swing (motion).  There are times when one or more of these 5 S's save the day.

     2. All Things Nursing/Feeding

• Madela Pump. Someone once told me to not skimp on a good pump and I believe that is great advice! That being said I am on my 3rd used pump, aka hand-me-downs.  All three have worked great for me. I don't work full time so I don't use it as much as others might. I have heard you can go to a clinic and have them test the power of your pump motor to ensure it's powerful enough.  
• Any nursing cover that has a built in wire.  Mine is a Bebe Au Lait.
• Lansinoh Breast Pads are my favorite and once my milk was more regulated I started using non disposable breast pads that I found on Diapers.com for daytime when I am less likely to have leakage. This has saved me a lot of money this time around.
• Madela Breast milk storage bags
• Madela Quick clean bags are so awesome!!! They didn't have these when I had Simon. I still wash all pump parts but then occasionally throw them in a bad in the microwave. Steam cleaned in 3 minutes.
• Boppy pillow with a nice and soft cover which is usually not what comes with them. I use the one that comes with it to but much prefer the softer cover. It's definitely nice to have two of these when one is in the wash. (I've heard great things about the Breast Friend but never bought it)
• Old cloth diapers make the best burp cloths. 
• Use Born Free bottles. Haven't had any issues with them.

   3. Stuff: a brief entry on stuff because, well, I'm not big on stuff

• One play mat/play gym. This is also easy to borrow. They don't use them for very long.
• One bouncy seat--An absolute necessity. I like one that can lay flat or adjust to sitting up for the different stages. 
• I skipped buying a swing and borrowed my sister's. Very expensive item that many ppl never use.  Both of my boys barely used it.
• I have adapted two different shelves into changing tables. Just put the big changing pad on top of a hip height book shelf. Built in storage. 
• We have the Bjorn baby carrier and a ring sling. Like both.  Walker took so many naps in the ring sling early on.  
• Strollers: When we had Simon we used the Graco Ipo umbrella and the Snap n Go.   We have gotten so much use out of both. My sister and a friend borrowed the Snap n Go. Perfect for short errands because it's lightweight and you don't have to move baby to put them in.  Now we most use the Baby Jogger City Select with two seats. Holy Cow: It is deluxe!!!!!  We love it!  (We got a major discount from a friend hook up through Zappos and are still pinching ourselves b/c we usually don't have "Nice" things). We have a single and double Baby Jogger running stroller.  Love them both! Got one used for free and one off craigslist. 
• No strong opinions over things like cribs, high chairs, etc other than don't overspend.
• If we had it to do over we would have gotten a nicer pack and play because we noticed that the more expensive the better cushion on the mattress. Ours is more like a piece of card board with a little cushion over it but it still works. 

The Entitled Parent

An innocent brief conversation with my good friend Lisa led to another brief conversation with my Mom and then they worked their way through my heart.

After having dinner with our families Lisa and I were cleaning up the dishes (meaning rinsing them and putting them into the automated dish washer). I made a comment, which I now find embarrassing, "Can you believe I lived in an apartment for five years without a dishwasher?" Terribly rough life.  Then Lisa said her Mom with four kids never had a dishwasher. I asked her if she ever complained and Lisa said No. Hmmm, we both paused slightly.

A few days later my Mom was with us for the day and we got on a similar subject.  We were talking about husbands helping out with the kids.  To sum it up, it would appear that many husbands are helping out at home with the kids and housework more today than ever before and yet I often feel unsatisfied. And I know I'm not alone in this. Stay at Home Moms are the worst culprits. It's almost like we want our husbands to pay because clearly we are paying for it (dang it!).

The truth is I couldn't ask for more from Eric. He walks in the door, rushes upstairs to change his clothes and engage with the family. Many times he takes Simon upstairs with him to help give me the chance to finish up dinner or to take care of Walker.  Typically after we eat, he engages the kid(s) while I clean up so that we can do something as a family before bedtime.  Some of our dearest friends shared with us long before we we became parents that the Dad took on the bedtime routine. We chose to do that as well, particularly to allow some good time with Simon and Eric when he was a baby since I was the one who did 95% of the feedings. It gave them a chance to have "their" time.

Why do I throw myself a pity party when I don't get to drink hot coffee? Why do I huff and puff as I clean up the dishes for the third time in the day? Why do I feel a sense of pride and desire acknowledgement for doing my daily tasks as a Mom?  Upon further reflection, I believe I've bought into the entitlement bug. I spoke about this in a previous post without realizing that I am not out of the woods on this struggle myself.  While being a Mom is hard work, it is my primary role right now and yes, most days it is anything but glamorous. Since I am in newborn land again I am feeling the pull even more as I'm trying to find a new routine with our new addition and struggling to even get a shower.

Many of us Moms tell each other we deserve our "ME" time and we deserve a break. Our husbands should help. We don't get a break, so why should they?  While breaks are very healthy and often necessary, feeling entitled to certain things seems to cause destructive thinking.  Oh dear, I guess I should just be completely honest. Why do I get upset when Simon won't nap? Because I DESERVE A BREAK!" I've got to find a way to embrace my role as a Mom, with the good, bad and the ugly because when I become overwhelmed I typically become resentful and that is not helpful for anyone, including me.  And I don't want my kids to remember me huffing and puffing while I do the dishes.  And I don't want to model entitlement by claiming my own time or my own special things.  And just because I have hard days, doesn't mean I need to project my frustration onto my husband.  (He's going to enjoy reading this admission!) 

I want to be done with the entitlement. If you are with me and hear me start talking like this, please shut me up!  No, I'm serious. (Even you Mom and Eric!)

Walker's Birth Story

* Please Note: This is not a blog post for everyone.  This is definitely written for myself, Walker and all my Mommy friends who love hearing birth stories. 

Ouch...still hurting

Love!

I love this picture of Eric and I. I think I'm saying, "Did that really just happen?"

Finally able to smile for the camera

Simon meeting Walker for the first time

Our New Family of Four!

In love with this sweet boy!

Coming Home!!

* Please Note: This is not a blog post for everyone.  This is definitely written for myself, Walker and all my Mommy friends who love hearing birth stories.


A little background:
My firstborn was due on April 15 and was born on April 11, four days early.  I woke up at 4 a.m. with contractions, lost my plug around 10 a.m. went to work in labor from 1-5 p.m. and worked through the contractions. On my way home from work I realized I am really starting to have some pain here.  Decided after regular contractions to head to the hospital around 7 p.m. Got the epidural by 11 p.m. or so and delivered at 2:30 a.m. Easy breezy delivery!!

Simon was due on September 17th and was born on September 27, 10 days late. Three days before he was born I had my membranes stripped to try to induce labor. I also walked about two hours the day before he was born. I was three days from our scheduled induction (the midwife practice would not allow me to go past 14 days late) and I was getting desperate to meet my baby.  Simon was posterior and I was in hard painful labor for 8 hours. Those 8 hours Eric was putting pressure on my back constantly. The pain was constant even between contractions. I chose a natural birth with Simon and it was to date one of the most rewarding experiences I've ever had. Eric and I proved to be an amazing team together and we experienced a new level of bonding. It was incredible! The labor was very tough but when the pain got to be too much, I dug so deep within and went into "the zone" and I felt super human when it was over.

Walker was due on April 10 and was born on April 22, 12 days late.  I was having very regular Braxton Hicks contractions for Walker for six to eight weeks prior to delivery. I was walking almost every day about 2 miles. I was ready for Walker's arrival at least a month prior to his birth.  Waiting is not my strong suit and when Eric started getting anxious I knew this was not good b/c he has the patience of a saint.  One week passed and we were headed into the second week overdue and were contemplating an induction at 10 days overdue so that we could take advantage of a weekend birth.  We decided though to wait the weekend out and would look at an induction on day 14 or 15 overdue.  On Sunday, April 22 I woke up at 7 a.m. with regular contractions, but I had learned not to look into that too much because I had experienced a lot of regular and even painful contractions before. But I did start praying and I text my Mom, Rachel and Sarah and said we need to pray for a baby today. I struggle with praying theologically. My prayer has been for peace and contentment and surrender for a plan bigger than my own. Who am I to ask to have a baby on a specific day? I really believe that baby's come when they are ready but as we continued to crawl past our due date, I lost sight of that at times.  On Sunday, I was ready to start praying for the Lord to bring baby Walker and at 8 a.m. my water broke! Yes!!!!

I called Dr. Bowen and we decided I could either come in or wait it out a bit. I had Group B Strep so we had a window of time to play with before we would need to get me in to start antibiotics for the GBS. My parents came and Eric and I started walking. As we walked contractions picked up in pain level and frequency. We decided to head on in around 11 a.m. By 12:30 we were in our room, meds administering for GBS and non stress test going. We then walked the halls for a while and labor began to pick up. Our friend, Sarah arrived around 1-1:30 and she was there to help support us and she also took all of the amazing black and white photos above.  My parents arrived around 2:15 and as they were coming in I was starting to have some painful contractions.  At 3:05 I had my nurse check me again and I was at 6 cm. She said I had a lip on my cervix that had not given yet on my right side and that if I would lay on my right side it might give way.  Thank goodness for her wisdom!!! The last thing I wanted to do was lay on my side but I did it and I never got up.  I was pushing at 3:35 just 30 minutes later.  Once I got on my side the pain intensified incredibly and I lost it. I never got into "the zone". I felt and acted out of control. I kept telling Eric and Sarah that I could not do this.  If I had known I was going from a 6 to full and ready to push in those thirty minutes, I would have been fine mentally but the pain was so intense so fast I was scared to death. I really did not think I could endure that pain for too much longer.  All of a sudden I felt something hot coming out and I knew it was blood. Eric paged the nurse and when she came in she called to break down the bed and it was GO TIME! I was yelling during contractions, "He's coming right now! I can feel him coming!" It was so insanely different from Simon's natural birth.  I was in so much pain I didn't think I could move from my side. The nurse wanted to check me and I remember clamping my legs together as hard as I could. I couldn't bare the thought of being touched. At this point Eric had text my Mom, Dad and Rachel (who were down the hall in the waiting room) and told them to come NOW! And about 6 more medical personnel had joined the room. I remember asking what we were waiting on and the response was my Dr. "No we aren't!!!," I said. We're doing this NOW! From this point, I felt like the room erupted into chaos. And this is the part of Walker's birth story I don't like. His heart rate dropped and I felt like everyone was yelling at me to push. At some point they put oxygen on me.  I was pushing but I was fretting. The resident OB was standing away from me looking like a dear in headlights and the bed wasn't broken down. No one was taking charge in the room. Some loud nurse to my left kept saying that I need to push now. We need to get the baby out NOW. And then I was asking if he was ok. Ugh. I believe my Dr. would have calmed down that room in 2 seconds.  He did come in while I was pushing and coached the resident on how to catch baby Walker.  Whew! (On a sidenote: I wish I had waited for my Dr. in hindsight. But in the moment, the ring of fire was saying I had to push right then!!)

When the labor was over, I didn't feel relief or accomplishment like I did with Simon. I think I was in shock for a while.  Once all those crazy back ups got out of the room and it was just my calm and collected Dr., my beloved natural birth momma Nurse and my support folk, the room took on a lighter feel and I could begin to relax.  I really don't know how dangerous things got but the very last thing any natural birthing momma needs or wants is chaos in the birth room.  Yikes! I wished I had been in the zone and calm and level headed but I was not this time. I was scared and it was not a calm environment but he is here and he is beautiful! And I would have another baby tomorrow! It's so worth all of the pain and ALL of the WAITING! If I am able to have another baby, I should know to just scoot my due date back a few weeks next time :)

They say every birth is different and that could never be truer for me. My mom has always been nervous about me getting to the hospital on time because she had me in the car.  Similar to my experience with Walker, if I had waited until the pain was unbearable I would not have made it to the hospital. Never have I been more convinced than now that the baby's position makes all the difference in a delivery. Walker was in great position and it didn't take as much time for him to come.

IT'S A....

Having a Gender Reveal Party was a great way to celebrate our new baby. We invited our local friends and asked them to dress in either pink or blue. Eric pulled out his special gift from some dear friends from India and I also chose to wear blue. Eric said his gut said a boy. I couldn't decide between boy or girl but chose to wear blue.

ANOTHER BOY!!!

We had such a great night with friends celebrating adding another BOY to our family. We played some silly games, including testing out the old wives' tale with the string and ring. Our friend Daphane tried it first and sure enough it twirled indicating a girl. I tried it right before we cut the cake and it also indicated correctly, a boy.


My Mom and Dad kept Simon overnight so we took some cake pops to share with with Simon and my parents this morning. Simon still says he wants a girl but he also says he's a girl, so there you have it.

We are Praising God for another Baby Boy! Can't wait to meet him sometime in April (EDD: April 10).

Pregnancy After Miscarriage

As I have mentioned in previous blog posts, I was shocked when I had my miscarriage at 12 weeks in February. I have always heard one of the best indicators for future healthy pregnancies is previous healthy pregnancies and a flawless medical history, of which I had. Then the new reality of life after miscarriage came when I got pregnant again this past July. I knew it would be hard to go through another pregnancy following the miscarriage but I was not fully prepared for all the ways it has been hard. I have realized that over the past 15 weeks I have at times been nearly paralyzed by fear. I know this also goes back to me being a birth mother and relinquishing my firstborn to another family through adoption. I guess a second loss around becoming a parent has really triggered a lot of fear for me. I have tried to process this endlessly and I think I've come to the realization that my biggest fear is that I just don't know how much more loss I can bear. If this pregnancy does not last I wonder if I will have the strength and courage to keep trying. I also just want to know the outcome now, even if it's not the outcome I want. It has been a very long 15 weeks. Every first trimester has been the same for me. I start throwing up daily (usually multiple times) somewhere between weeks 5-8 and continue until 14-16 weeks. That part alone is very exhausting and draining. I don't feel like myself. I wake up dreading to get out of bed because I know I'm heading straight to the toilet. And the rest of the day is up in the air as far as whether or not I'll be able to eat and keep food down. I suppose the physical exhaustion has contributed to the emotional exhaustion. We know that is usually the case since we are holistic beings, of which each part affects the other. Pregnancy after miscarriage has looked like this for me:

• Pregnancy test response: a pit in Eric and I's stomach. Of course we were excited but also felt hesitant to celebrate.
• Hesitant to tell others: after the miscarriage I now realize you have to untell every person you tell. I have found myself trying to "hide" this pregnancy from a lot of people.
• Hiding feels shame based: Somewhere deep down I somehow feel ashamed of my miscarriage. I know rationally speaking, I had no control of that. But somewhere in my heart it feels like a personal thing.
• I despise the prodding of others to choose optimism: I am a realist. I choose reality. "Now come on, we're not going to think like that. Everything will be fine!" I'm not going to put myself at risk for being ignorant. Right or wrong, I try to prepare myself for either reality, which has naturally led me to holding back.
• Holding back in embracing this pregnancy: I find myself not fully embracing this baby, even though I'm not proud to say that. I have listened to Selah's song "I Will Carry You" countless times b/c my heart is really to get to a place where I can say before God and this baby "you are mine to carry for this time. I embrace you today no matter what the outcome". Ironically enough, this is the best advice I received when I was pregnant with my firstborn. A critical moment of choosing to dive into my pregnancy regardless of the outcome (parenting vs. adoption) even though it felt like I was accepting more risk of pain if I chose adoption. Reality is I had much less regret b/c I knew I had fully embraced her both in utero and in the time I had with her at the hospital. I don't want to regret how I handle this.
• Doctors appointments involve a lot of nerves and sweating: I will never forget how it felt to have the ultrasound tech not find a heartbeat on the screen back in February. I actually have had many dreams/nightmares that this will happen again. I am currently nervous about our 18 week ultrasound for fear of the baby not being alive and/or not growing right.

I think that about sums it up. In sharing this, it is both cathartic for me but I also hope that when we come across people in a similar situation as mine, that maybe we can be more empathic with each other. That's not to say family and friends have not been empathic. It's just a lot of times, we don't invite each other into our private thoughts. I recently had a conversation with a lady who had a similar experience and she shared that I may not feel overall relief until I deliver a healthy baby. I appreciated that feedback. It felt good to think that maybe I'm not alone in my craziness.

We have also decided to do a Baby Gender Reveal Party. We really want to embrace this baby boy or girl and thought this party would help us as we continue to move forward. So on Wednesday (assuming baby cooperates) the ultrasound tech will write baby's gender on a piece of paper and we will take it to a baker without looking. With friends on Friday night, we will all find out the gender together when we cut into a cake and it is either pink or blue inside. Stay tuned for pics ;)

Disclaimer: although it was not emphasized I do realize how blessed I am to be a normally healthy person (of which many people cannot say) and that I am also blessed to be able to conceive and to have carried successfully in the past.

A Tribute to my Mom

This blog post came to me a few nights ago when I couldn't sleep. It's funny how that always seems to happen. I recently told Eric that I want to be a Fun Mom. Please note: Fun Mom does not = Cool Mom.

My Mom was a very fun Mom and I honor her for that today. I remember her dancing in the kitchen while she was making dinner or doing dishes. She never swept the floor without doing a little jig with the broom. I remember her putting whole chickens that she would clean up on the counter and making it "talk" to us. I remember her doing synchronized index finger dancing on the steering wheel while she was driving. I will always remember a story she told me about a time she was pushing me in the stroller into Elder Beerman (throw back) and the stroller totally collapsed on me. And after she checked to make sure I was ok we both erupted into uncontrollable laughter. When we recall certain stories like that one, we still share a contagious laughter. My sister gets in on that too. And our husbands, including my dad, will just sit there looking confused because they have no idea what we are laughing about. She was a fun Mom and that sense of humor, that good old fashioned fun never compromised her authority or the structure that our family had. When I was living at home after college I finally talked my mom into getting her eyebrows waxed. I went with her to support her. When that tech pulled off the tape for the first time we died laughing at the whole eyebrow that was on the tape. Then we laughed again when she took off a whole other eyebrow with the next tape. Mom looked in the mirror and she still had the equivalent of an eyebrow left. We couldn't stop laughing and I think the Esthetitian thought we were nuts. But another remarkable thing about my Mom is that she can laugh at herself.

Here's my Mom having fun square dancing with her partner Mae at our wedding:


My Mom was not a Cool Mom. She has never worn hip clothes. She never wears makeup (unless maybe some rouse to a special event). She always cries at weddings and baptisms and would embarrass us to death when we were young. She has refused to die her hair during the past few transitional years into gray. I have grown to admire that more and more over the years. She is a simple and a beautiful woman. One who has never given into the world and the world's standards. Instead she is a woman of faith. A faithful and loving wife and mother. She knows how to serve others more than anyone I've ever experienced. She is passionate about teaching. She is a loyal friend. The status of Cool is ever changing. All you have to do is pick up an In Style magazine to see that. When you focus on character instead of cool, life is so much simpler.

In the end maybe the fun Mom is the Coolest Mom. I had real conversations with my Mom. And although I sometimes held things back, for the most part I was able to be honest with my Mom.
In my teenage years, I had some very mean and disrespectful moments and on several accounts I remember my Mom also handling that with humor. She quoted Proverbs 31:28 "Her children rise up and call her Blessed." Mom would say, "Priscilla, One day you will rise up and call me Blessed!". I would laugh. I was so mean. But over the years as I have grown into a God-fearing Woman I have called her Blessed. A few years ago I found a Mother's Day card with that quote and I knew it was the perfect card for her.

As a Mom of two daughters, my Mom modeled great characteristics for my sister and me. She constantly had to battle our desires to want the cool clothes and cool cars. She instilled some incredible values in us. I wonder how much she was conscious of that or if it just flowed out of who she is? I, of course, still struggle with wanting to be cool, even at the age of 31. But I am so thankful I have a Mother who has modeled what a truly beautiful woman of Christ looks like. Really, all of Proverbs 31 describes my Mother. I hope to be half the Mom to my kids as she was and is to me!

The Woman Who Fears the Lord

10 An excellent wife who can find?

She is far more precious than jewels.

11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,

and he will have no lack of gain.

12 She does him good, and not harm,

all the days of her life.

13 She seeks wool and flax,

and works with willing hands.

14 She is like the ships of the merchant;

she brings her food from afar.

15 She rises while it is yet night

and provides food for her household

and portions for her maidens.

16 She considers a field and buys it;

with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.

17 She dresses herself with strength

and makes her arms strong.

18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.

Her lamp does not go out at night.

19 She puts her hands to the distaff,

and her hands hold the spindle.

20 She opens her hand to the poor

and reaches out her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,

for all her household are clothed in scarlet.

22 She makes bed coverings for herself;

her clothing is fine linen and purple.

23 Her husband is known in the gates

when he sits among the elders of the land.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them;

she delivers sashes to the merchant.

25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,

and she laughs at the time to come.

26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,

and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

27 She looks well to the ways of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her:

29 “Many women have done excellently,

but you surpass them all.”

30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,

and let her works praise her in the gates.

While I know that some of this passage is from a different time period I can still draw the characteristics in the meaning. My Mom is a hard worker. She has stood behind her Husband, my Father. She has a servant's heart and she worked hard to take care of her family. She still does work hard to take care of her family, as most recently evidenced by her devotion to her Father following the passing of her Mom. My Mom fears the Lord more than she fears the World. She is wise in that she knows that Charm is deceptive and Beauty is fleeting. And yet she is beautiful with a natural beauty. Her Children and her Grandchildren do rise and call her Blessed!

Ideal Family, Part II

Ideal Family, Part 2

I recently wrote about trying to obtain an ideal family. The ideal family definitely looks different for each individual. Remember the quote regarding the American dream: "2.5 children, white picket fence,etc"? I think it's very important to tune into our expectations about our families. Sometimes, we have unspoken expectations that continue to drive us without even realizing it. If a large family is important to you, you will definitely feel some pressure to continue to grow and perhaps even a sense of dissatisfaction without having attained that standard. Perhaps you dream of a minivan overflowing with kids, laughter, and chaos. Maybe you have decided you just want to focus and raise one child. Perhaps, you want to become a parent so badly, you have decided to adopt as a single parent.

Over the past few years I have noticed a growing trend towards larger families. While I don't have an overall concern with this I have grown concerned at times by an insistence to fulfill an ideal family at the expense of one's existing family. Have you ever witnessed the harried mom who is constantly stressed out and feeling inadequate and yet continues to add more children to her family? Have you heard a husband and wife say that they can't remember the last time they actually sat down and had a real conversation and yet see no concern over adding more chaos to their family? Have you heard a woman say, "I'm tired of waiting for Mr. Right. I'm going to take matters into my own hands"? On the other side of the fence, I have witnessed families completely broken down by infertility struggling to find acceptance for what appears to be a shattered dream for their ideal family. I have cried with friends over losses of pregnancies, lost hopes for healthy babies, breakdowns in the family unit.

I believe God wants more for us and for our families. What if we allowed the Lord to guide and direct our process of growing our families? I have so much admiration for families that are willing to dig deep and put aside their ideals in order to do what's best for their families. I have seen families have a special needs child and suddenly they are faced with a crisis regarding their ideal family. I have seen families accept their infertility and wholeheartedly embrace the prospect of adoption. I have been blessed beyond measure by families who love their foster and adoption children as their very own. I have seen families allow their ideals to be transformed in order to love their special needs child and to provide for them the best way possible, even if that means holding off on growing their families in number. I have seen families put having more children on hold for financial reasons, whether that be a job change or a desire to pay down debt, all for the sake of wanting to do what's best for their children. I have heard a mom say that she wants more children but knows that's not what's best for her whole family and sacrifices that desire. I honor that that kind of honesty and humility.

What if we could take a hard look inside of ourselves and ask what is motivating us to achieve our ideal families? What is it about that ideal that makes us feel complete or whole? I have seen expectations based on ideals cause a lot of pain. I have seen a son feel alienated by his family because he is not successful scholastically. I have seen marriages fail over sick children. I have seen children feel an incredible amount of pressure to fulfill their parent's dreams. What if you are the only girl out of a family of three boys and you learn that you were conceived in order to fulfill your mom's lifelong dream of having a girl. Isn't that a lot of pressure to put on children? What if this girl from three boys turns out to be a tom boy and doesn't meet her mother's girly expectations? Likewise, how many times have you heard children referred to as the "oops baby"? Now I know some people say this in vein but in all seriousness does this not speak again to an ideal family mentality?

What if we could strip all of our expectations of an ideal family and ask the Lord to be the author of our families? Certainly the Lord cares about the desires of our hearts and it never hurts to express that to Him. I happen to believe the Lord's ways are better than mine. That means, he might have plans for my family that I could not have possibly dreamed up on my own. I want to be open to His plans for my life. I have a long way to grow in this area but I am certainly praying for this.

Postmodern effects on Parenting

Yesterday I caught a few minutes of The View (even though I was supposed to be studying for my upcoming licensure exam). Here's the thing....I love the View. I know so many people hate it but over the years I enjoy catching snippets of the show. I like to know what is going on in the industry and what popular views are being shared. Yesterday was a perfect case in point. Here is the advertisement of the segment from yesterday:

Out first guest, Rahna Reiko Rizzuto, left her children behind to focus on a career overseas then divorced her husband when she got back. Today, she revealed why she didn’t want to be a wife or mother anymore, and if she hadn’t gone to Japan, whether she thinks she would have had those feelings. To hear more of her story, pick up a copy of her book, Hiroshima in the Morning, which every member of our studio audience took home a copy of!

This is what I gathered from the segment. Rahna back peddled and claimed that she never wanted to be a mother. She said she did not become a mother until 34 because it took her and her husband a long time to decide. When she went to Japan for a research assignment for four months her sons were 3 and 5 years old. At that time she had been a full time stay at home mom. When she got to Japan she started having such a great time and started realizing she no longer wanted to be a full time mom or a wife. And to make matters better (sarcasm inserted here), her husband wanted to be a full time father so they rearranged everything. She moved down the street so that she was still close by and she gets to be a "mom at her best" part time. She said she really didn't enjoy being up seven times in the night with a child throwing up.

I really struggled mentally, which then affected me emotionally my first year of parenting. And I've come to realize it was because I was comparing everything to how my life was pre-motherhood. I would watch people reading at a bookstore with a hot cup of coffee and think about how I longed for that freedom again. I would think of how I needed to go to the dentist that I haven't been to for two years and how nothing is easy anymore. I have to hire a babysitter to go to the dentist now. In fact, if I was working I would at least be able to take an hour or two of PTO to go to doggone dentist. I would have pity parties for myself. I have really grown through this thinking. I have learned to accept and even better to enjoy this stage of my life. And I have learned how to better take time for me so that I can go get a cup of coffee and read a trash magazine at Barnes a Noble every once in a while.

Seeing this segment yesterday allowed me to realize how much our entitled and postmodern society infects us with lies. The lies tell us things like:
I deserve to be happy. (Of course you deserve to be happy but happiness is a temporary feeling. It comes and goes.)
I deserve to have the freedom to do what I want with my time.
If something doesn' t make me happy I can abort ship.
I deserve to be an independent woman and my marriage and kids have to fit in around that.
I shouldn't be "put out" by anyone, even if its my sick kid.
I want to be a mom. I just don't want to have to do all the icky work.

What is wrong with this picture????

First of all, God calls us to be fully selfless.
Philippians 2:4 "Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."
While I still struggle with being selfless which is often apparent in my relationship with my husband and my son, I am striving to be selfless. I know this is something I will need to continue to work on. When I start to get into negative thinking and want to throw myself a pity party because I'm focusing on the loss of freedoms I have, I take a step back and look at all I have to be thankful for. I am so blessed to be a mom and when I think about how the Lord has entrusted me to care for and to raise this sweet, innocent and impressionable Soul, I am overwhelmed with a sense of responsibility and honor.

God also calls us to contentment which means we are fully satisfied.

Hebrews 13:5-6 "Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?”
I still struggle with being content. Of course I would love to be in Japan doing research. I would love to explore a different county and to partake in the finest of foods. I would love to be able to take a bubble bath in my fancy hotel and order room service. But, Hello that is not my reality. I am seeking to be content with what I have. I know I am richly blessed and have so much to be thankful for. I have to guard my heart. Sometimes I have to turn off the TV that displays Hollywood Moms who have nannies so that they can go get their nails done and drink wine with friends over their luncheon dates. (LOL) How about some representation from a real housewife? One that wakes up to help her husband get his lunch packed, his shirt ironed, takes the dog out, makes breakfast, cleans up breakfast, gives a bath, all before even thinking about being able to take her own bath or to sip on a cup of hot coffee. Joy can be found in any situation. I am finding that joy as a mom. But after a segment like Rahna's on the View I stand back and think it's no wonder people are so discontent and families don't last. We are all believing lies about what we deserve.
I believe that joy is so much richer when you also experience the ups and downs of everyday living. What kind of parent would I be if I only wanted the good times with my son? What kind of love would I be demonstrating if every time he was sick or up all night because he's teething I passed him off or resented him for putting me out? This is not the love of a parent. It's in those difficult times that you are then able to experience the fullness of joy in the good times. Need I also mention that all of this applies to marriage as well? Rahna left both roles. She says that her sons are now 13 and 15 years old and she has a great relationship with them. I genuinely hope she does have a relationship with her children but it scares me that she has modeled for them that when things are not satisfying in life, you bail. You walk away. Is this not postmodernism at its finest? Whatever makes you happiest, you should pursue despite what or who you leave behind.