Monday, April 15, 2013

The Ode to the Big Blue Cup

At times nursing a baby can feel like the life is being sucked out of you. Seriously, every time I leave my house for even an hour I typically try to grab a water to go to get me through. At times I feel when I am nursing that I cannot possibly get enough food to eat or water to drink.  When we brought Walker home I chose the big blue cup and after a year of being by my side I dedicate this entry to the cup.  I typically fill this cup up 8-10 times a day and try to keep it with me throughout the day. Does this sound silly? It is!  And yet so very necessary.

Dearest Blue Cup,
You have sustained me for 12 months. My body and Walker's body thank you!
You  have been at my bedside for 12 months to get me through the late night/early morning feedings.
You have been a constant thought on my mind every day of the past year.
You have been spilled at least 20 times by one of the family members as I continue to leave you all around the house.
You have been a consistent topic of conversation. "Where is my cup?" "Has anyone seen my cup?"
Eric at dinner, "Do you have a glass?"  Me, "Where's my cup?"

And now, Dear cup, I say Thank you and cry a few tears as the year comes to a close and I don't need you as much as I used to.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Forgiveness: A Testimony

As Simon continues to get older and is able to receive more training we have been teaching him about forgiveness. When someone offends us we say "I forgive you" instead of "That's ok".  Simon has gotten really good at this.  If a friend of his hits him or takes something from him, he typically has learned to respond with forgiveness and a hug.  One of the best parts about training our children, I am convinced, is that if we do it well we are sure to find training for ourselves.  In recent months I realized that I hold onto the offenses of others, including the offenses of Simon.  One day I had a clear conviction telling  me that I must forgive Simon immediately and LET IT GO. It is hard to do when the offenses come frequently from a toddler. As soon as he asks forgiveness for yelling at me he often turns around and immediately disobeys again.  As I have been practicing forgiveness towards him it has been surprisingly freeing and feels much better than wallowing.  I also don't want to offer my children conditional love or to ever make them feel that they have to earn my love back after an offense.  The Lord's Love speaks nothing of conditions.

One day I said or did something I was truly not proud of. While I can't remember the specifics of what I did, said, or what tone of voice I used I hope I will never forget the words out of Simon's sweet Spirit filled mouth. I asked his forgiveness for what I said and how I said it. He easily and quickly responded "I forgive you Mom". A few minutes later as we are driving in the car I'm still feeling disgusted at myself and ask for forgiveness again.  He said, "But Mom I already forgave you!"  WOAH!

Silenced and thankful! Lord, give me that childlike faith. The kind that involves immediate forgiveness, grace and love.