Walker's Birth Story

* Please Note: This is not a blog post for everyone.  This is definitely written for myself, Walker and all my Mommy friends who love hearing birth stories. 

Ouch...still hurting

Love!

I love this picture of Eric and I. I think I'm saying, "Did that really just happen?"

Finally able to smile for the camera

Simon meeting Walker for the first time

Our New Family of Four!

In love with this sweet boy!

Coming Home!!

* Please Note: This is not a blog post for everyone.  This is definitely written for myself, Walker and all my Mommy friends who love hearing birth stories.


A little background:
My firstborn was due on April 15 and was born on April 11, four days early.  I woke up at 4 a.m. with contractions, lost my plug around 10 a.m. went to work in labor from 1-5 p.m. and worked through the contractions. On my way home from work I realized I am really starting to have some pain here.  Decided after regular contractions to head to the hospital around 7 p.m. Got the epidural by 11 p.m. or so and delivered at 2:30 a.m. Easy breezy delivery!!

Simon was due on September 17th and was born on September 27, 10 days late. Three days before he was born I had my membranes stripped to try to induce labor. I also walked about two hours the day before he was born. I was three days from our scheduled induction (the midwife practice would not allow me to go past 14 days late) and I was getting desperate to meet my baby.  Simon was posterior and I was in hard painful labor for 8 hours. Those 8 hours Eric was putting pressure on my back constantly. The pain was constant even between contractions. I chose a natural birth with Simon and it was to date one of the most rewarding experiences I've ever had. Eric and I proved to be an amazing team together and we experienced a new level of bonding. It was incredible! The labor was very tough but when the pain got to be too much, I dug so deep within and went into "the zone" and I felt super human when it was over.

Walker was due on April 10 and was born on April 22, 12 days late.  I was having very regular Braxton Hicks contractions for Walker for six to eight weeks prior to delivery. I was walking almost every day about 2 miles. I was ready for Walker's arrival at least a month prior to his birth.  Waiting is not my strong suit and when Eric started getting anxious I knew this was not good b/c he has the patience of a saint.  One week passed and we were headed into the second week overdue and were contemplating an induction at 10 days overdue so that we could take advantage of a weekend birth.  We decided though to wait the weekend out and would look at an induction on day 14 or 15 overdue.  On Sunday, April 22 I woke up at 7 a.m. with regular contractions, but I had learned not to look into that too much because I had experienced a lot of regular and even painful contractions before. But I did start praying and I text my Mom, Rachel and Sarah and said we need to pray for a baby today. I struggle with praying theologically. My prayer has been for peace and contentment and surrender for a plan bigger than my own. Who am I to ask to have a baby on a specific day? I really believe that baby's come when they are ready but as we continued to crawl past our due date, I lost sight of that at times.  On Sunday, I was ready to start praying for the Lord to bring baby Walker and at 8 a.m. my water broke! Yes!!!!

I called Dr. Bowen and we decided I could either come in or wait it out a bit. I had Group B Strep so we had a window of time to play with before we would need to get me in to start antibiotics for the GBS. My parents came and Eric and I started walking. As we walked contractions picked up in pain level and frequency. We decided to head on in around 11 a.m. By 12:30 we were in our room, meds administering for GBS and non stress test going. We then walked the halls for a while and labor began to pick up. Our friend, Sarah arrived around 1-1:30 and she was there to help support us and she also took all of the amazing black and white photos above.  My parents arrived around 2:15 and as they were coming in I was starting to have some painful contractions.  At 3:05 I had my nurse check me again and I was at 6 cm. She said I had a lip on my cervix that had not given yet on my right side and that if I would lay on my right side it might give way.  Thank goodness for her wisdom!!! The last thing I wanted to do was lay on my side but I did it and I never got up.  I was pushing at 3:35 just 30 minutes later.  Once I got on my side the pain intensified incredibly and I lost it. I never got into "the zone". I felt and acted out of control. I kept telling Eric and Sarah that I could not do this.  If I had known I was going from a 6 to full and ready to push in those thirty minutes, I would have been fine mentally but the pain was so intense so fast I was scared to death. I really did not think I could endure that pain for too much longer.  All of a sudden I felt something hot coming out and I knew it was blood. Eric paged the nurse and when she came in she called to break down the bed and it was GO TIME! I was yelling during contractions, "He's coming right now! I can feel him coming!" It was so insanely different from Simon's natural birth.  I was in so much pain I didn't think I could move from my side. The nurse wanted to check me and I remember clamping my legs together as hard as I could. I couldn't bare the thought of being touched. At this point Eric had text my Mom, Dad and Rachel (who were down the hall in the waiting room) and told them to come NOW! And about 6 more medical personnel had joined the room. I remember asking what we were waiting on and the response was my Dr. "No we aren't!!!," I said. We're doing this NOW! From this point, I felt like the room erupted into chaos. And this is the part of Walker's birth story I don't like. His heart rate dropped and I felt like everyone was yelling at me to push. At some point they put oxygen on me.  I was pushing but I was fretting. The resident OB was standing away from me looking like a dear in headlights and the bed wasn't broken down. No one was taking charge in the room. Some loud nurse to my left kept saying that I need to push now. We need to get the baby out NOW. And then I was asking if he was ok. Ugh. I believe my Dr. would have calmed down that room in 2 seconds.  He did come in while I was pushing and coached the resident on how to catch baby Walker.  Whew! (On a sidenote: I wish I had waited for my Dr. in hindsight. But in the moment, the ring of fire was saying I had to push right then!!)

When the labor was over, I didn't feel relief or accomplishment like I did with Simon. I think I was in shock for a while.  Once all those crazy back ups got out of the room and it was just my calm and collected Dr., my beloved natural birth momma Nurse and my support folk, the room took on a lighter feel and I could begin to relax.  I really don't know how dangerous things got but the very last thing any natural birthing momma needs or wants is chaos in the birth room.  Yikes! I wished I had been in the zone and calm and level headed but I was not this time. I was scared and it was not a calm environment but he is here and he is beautiful! And I would have another baby tomorrow! It's so worth all of the pain and ALL of the WAITING! If I am able to have another baby, I should know to just scoot my due date back a few weeks next time :)

They say every birth is different and that could never be truer for me. My mom has always been nervous about me getting to the hospital on time because she had me in the car.  Similar to my experience with Walker, if I had waited until the pain was unbearable I would not have made it to the hospital. Never have I been more convinced than now that the baby's position makes all the difference in a delivery. Walker was in great position and it didn't take as much time for him to come.

An Orphan Heart

Our church recently did a series called "A Place at the Table". This series was largely based on the book From Spiritual Slavery to Spiritual Sonship by Jack Frost. I had the privilege of attending a Leadership event at our church in January and we all received a copy. This is an excellent book and a concept that I believe many long-term Christians have not accepted. We are all God's spiritual Daughters and Sons. During one particular service they interviewed a mom of three biological children and some adopted children. My heart is very sensitive to adoption and I was blessed by her story.

My thoughts were all over the place. As we continue to approach baby boy's due date and my firstborn's birthday (they are the same!) my heart is tender around so many subjects.

I have a story about an orphan heart too. Part of having my firstborn daughter, who was very unplanned was actually a part of my healing through my orphan heart. I had been going to counseling for about 8 months when I found out I was pregnant. My primary concern was an eating disorder, better described as a very distorted body image. Two of my closest friends approached me and suggested that it was time to get help for my eating disorder and they were right. At that time, I had only three different meals I would eat very rigidly. I was running almost daily, training for a half marathon but also largely accepting an excuse to exercise in excess. I was relieved at their confrontation because I really knew it was high time I found some help. The help I needed wasn't really about the eating disorder, although I did also participate in a Body Image Support Group at that time that was helpful. My greatest need was addressing my orphan heart. My counselor who I will forever cherish was central to leading me toward healing.

At that time my orphan heart looked like: trying to earn God's favor by doing good things and attending lots of worship services, competition with others, distrustful at times of authority. I was in bondage to spiritual slavery and had not yet known what freedom in Christ was. I worked so hard to please others which is just exhausting. You never feel like you win when you constantly seek others approval. I had no idea that I was on the cusp of being laid completely bare. I was about to be stripped down from all of my armor during my healing process. It's so ironic that I truly believe this period of time through counseling and allowing God to heal me that I actually abused that freedom and paid a very high price for it through my unplanned pregnancy.

During a successive service in this series, the theme stripped down completely kept coming to my mind. I have had so many worldly successes and a very blessed life. In fact, success has been something that has come easy to me on many different fronts (school, work, friends, opportunities, etc). There have been many times over the past 10 years that I have felt completely stripped down and humbled. My adoption story was the first. About five years ago I was really enjoying singing on "main stage" at my church. I got married in July 2007 and July 2007 was the last time I ever got asked to sing on "main stage" again. I felt so rejected and stripped down, left wondering what in the world I did wrong to be cut from the list of singers after serving on that team for two years. I still don't know the answers to any of my questions but I do know it led me on a spiritual journey forcing me to face how much of my identity was involved in that singing position. Feeling rejected hurt me bad but as always, there is room for growth in the pain. I now sing at one of our satellite locations and my ego no longer needs to be filled by having the opportunity to sing on a big stage anymore. There are many levels of growth that came from that rejection.

In recent years, I failed a counseling licensure test not once (which is somewhat common) but twice (which I have yet to find another person who had the same experience). The second time I took this licensure exam some of the residents at CCU made a good luck sign for me and I was so humbled when I had to come back to tell them I failed, again.

When I had my miscarriage last February I felt completely stripped down again. I felt like my body failed and I took on some sort of responsibility for this.

I still have days when I really want to please people. I still have conversations I walk away from second guessing myself and if what I said was perceived as it was intended. I still struggle to be humble, though I've come a long way. But I can say, without question that I have accepted my place at the table of the Lord as His daughter. I believe He loves me unconditionally and accepts me. I believe He continues to discipline me out of love and I accept that. There will no doubt continue to be pruning in this area but what I really felt throughout this series at our church was gratitude for the ways the Lord has healed my orphan heart.

As a parent, I want to model love from a daughter of the King and not from an orphan heart. I don't ever want to model conditional love no matter what obstacles we may face as a family. I want them to see me respecting and submitting to authority so that I can teach them how to do the same. I want them to see me accepting of others' weaknesses and faults.

I have by no means arrived but thank God for the journey and for a church that leads me towards more healing and growth.

Using Empathy with Children

Using Empathy With Your Children

Empathy has changed my life. I first became aware of the concept when I was in graduate school studying counseling. My supervisor taught me the art of using empathy. There are several things people often get hung up on when they are "listening" to others. Problem solving is often a way that people respond to others when "listening". Oftentimes, problem solvers come across as pushing their own agenda. It can also feel more stressful when you are just trying to share something with someone and they suggest solutions that you don't need or have no interest in. Another hang up is that some people think if they respond to what the speaker is saying with empathy it feels like they are agreeing with the person. That's not necessarily true. You can be empathic and not agree with someone.

While I can't teach a whole seminar worth of information on empathy in a brief blog post, I would like to offer up some food for thought when it comes to using empathy with our children.

Empathy works wonders with children. It doesn't matter if your child or teenager is being completely irrational and overly emotional. Tapping into the emotion they are expressing is a great way to love our kids. Let me give you some examples.

To the two year old who is having trouble sharing his toys: "It's hard to share your toys."He responds, in dramatic tears, "Yeah". You give each other a hug and stick with the plan of making him share but you've acknowledged that it's frustrating and difficult to share. He feels understood by you.

To the five year old girl who is crying because she wants to wear a certain skirt to church that you have decided is not an option: "Honey, you are disappointed that you can't wear the skirt that you had in mind to church today."She responds, "Yes, I WANT to wear THAT one (whiney voice)" . Mom responds, "I know you love that skirt but today it's not an option. " She still doesn't like the response but she at least heard you acknowledge her disappointment. She feels acknowledged, especially considering your response could have just been "No, because I said so!".

To the 8 year old boy who is not ready to come in from playing outside at bedtime: "I know you're annoyed that you have to come in before all the other boys and it doesn't seem fair". He responds: "It isn't fair Mom." Mom responds, "I understand it feels unfair but 8:00 p.m. is the rule at our house."Of course, he still believes it's unfair but at least he knows he was heard.

To the 13 year old girl who got dumped by her "boyfriend" for her best friend: "Honey, you feel crushed that he chose her over you." This urges her to continue to share..."It feels awful Mom. It's embarrassing!" Then you can take the opportunity to build into your daughter and tell her why you think she is special. She feels like her world is shattered. You know it will pass but instead of dismissing her feelings by saying something like "Boys are silly...I told you not to get wrapped up in them," you show her that you acknowledge that she is hurting. She feels important to you.

To the 17 year old boy who is not going to make a college football team: "You have worked so hard Son and you feel so defeated right now." He responds saying, "I do feel defeated Mom. It feels like everything I've worked for in football for the past 10 years is a waste." Now, you have a chance to offer him some encouragement which will especially be received because his feelings have been validated!

I know, I know, you probably think I'm nuts but I encourage you just to try practicing some empathy with your kids. I am 100% confident it will make an impression on them. An impression that will be lasting. They will feel heard, understood, validated and important.

IT'S A....

Having a Gender Reveal Party was a great way to celebrate our new baby. We invited our local friends and asked them to dress in either pink or blue. Eric pulled out his special gift from some dear friends from India and I also chose to wear blue. Eric said his gut said a boy. I couldn't decide between boy or girl but chose to wear blue.

ANOTHER BOY!!!

We had such a great night with friends celebrating adding another BOY to our family. We played some silly games, including testing out the old wives' tale with the string and ring. Our friend Daphane tried it first and sure enough it twirled indicating a girl. I tried it right before we cut the cake and it also indicated correctly, a boy.


My Mom and Dad kept Simon overnight so we took some cake pops to share with with Simon and my parents this morning. Simon still says he wants a girl but he also says he's a girl, so there you have it.

We are Praising God for another Baby Boy! Can't wait to meet him sometime in April (EDD: April 10).

Coming Out of the Closet: "I'm a Birth Mom!"

There I said it!

Sometimes people don't even know what that means. I have had to explain so many times what a Birth Mom is. I placed my firstborn child for adoption. One time I had a midwife just not getting it. So I continued and continued to try to explain it. By the end we were both sweating.

It really must be that uncommon...or maybe birth parents are just underrepresented.

What's the balance between not defining who I am based on this title and yet honoring that it is a significant part of who I am?

When I got hired at CCU to be the RD I remember in my interview answering honestly to what I had been doing the past few years since undergrad. I said I had a baby that I placed for adoption and I needed to take some time to heal so I worked for a year as a waitress and a substitute teacher and lived with my parents to save money and to focus on healing emotionally. The responses from the interview team varied but I remember the lady who would become my boss saying that she would expect me not to share that with the CCU students. (Shame Inducing Statement) Of course, I knew that the goal would not be to share it with every student but what was I suppose to do with my pictures of my firstborn? I didn't want to hide them because that felt like I had done something wrong.

When I had to sit across from the Dean of Student Development at Anderson University (a man I deeply respected and babysat for) to share with him the news of my unplanned pregnancy which was particularly relevant to him as I was the Director of New Student Orientation that was to take place in just four weeks from that time I will never forget his response. He prayed for me and he said "Priscilla, I believe this is going to be a redeemed story in your life." What a profound statement. Thank you God, it is! But I have been shy to tell it. I fear others' responses. I fear being misunderstood or even judged. I hear comments that were made to me when I chose adoption for my firstborn. "You are a disgrace to our family!...How dare you name your daughter Grace!" "I can't help it that you don't WANT your daughter!" "God has told me you are making the wrong decision!" And honestly I could go on with that list. No matter how hard I try to forget I still hear all of those judgmental statements in my head.

One of the greatest conundrums I have found in regarding sharing this description of myself as a Birth Mom is that that title and what that means to me is one of the most precious things in my heart and in my life. The way I feel about my firstborn and the way I feel as a Birth Mom is so precious that I feel completely naked every time I share it with someone for the first time. I put open myself up to be judged, criticized, and even misunderstood. Sometimes I am not strong enough to put those false accusations to rest. When I am weak I wonder if people are right?

I have to constantly bring myself back to the truth:

• I am a Birth Mom to beautiful 8 1/2 year old girl.
• I have the privilege of sharing in her life through open adoption.
• I don't have to feel shame about my unplanned pregnancy. I know that God forgave me.
• I don't have to feel ashamed of my decision. I made the best decision I knew to make at that specific time in my life, with my specific circumstances.
• I don't have any control of what ultimately comes from this situation. I pray that my firstborn will not feel abandoned by her birth family. I pray she will know she was and is loved and was never unwanted.
• The truth is always best. My firstborn knows who I am. She is still gaining a complete understanding of it. My son, Simon and any future children will always know the truth of our family. I want my children to know all of who their Mom is.

When I became a Pregnancy and Adoption Counselor at Catholic Charities, it was understood that I wouldn't share my with clients that I am a Birth Mom. And I agreed with this from a professional perspective. But I also realize that nine years later, I have largely hidden this aspect of my life from people. In the most recent years, I have tried to practice just mentioning it when it's appropriate. I don't always correct people when they refer to the number of children I have or the number of pregnancies I have had incorrectly. I don't always tell people but I am starting to try to integrate this as naturally as I can into my life. It's been freeing.

Every time I get pregnant, I just become overwhelmed, almost consumed with thoughts about adoption and being a birth parent. I think it just stirs my heart thinking about to my first pregnancy and delivery experience and all of the raw emotions and stories that come with that. I really believe I need to share my story, all of it. From this point on, I am going to shamelessly practice writing about this on our blog. It just might end up in a book, even if it's never published.

Pregnancy After Miscarriage

As I have mentioned in previous blog posts, I was shocked when I had my miscarriage at 12 weeks in February. I have always heard one of the best indicators for future healthy pregnancies is previous healthy pregnancies and a flawless medical history, of which I had. Then the new reality of life after miscarriage came when I got pregnant again this past July. I knew it would be hard to go through another pregnancy following the miscarriage but I was not fully prepared for all the ways it has been hard. I have realized that over the past 15 weeks I have at times been nearly paralyzed by fear. I know this also goes back to me being a birth mother and relinquishing my firstborn to another family through adoption. I guess a second loss around becoming a parent has really triggered a lot of fear for me. I have tried to process this endlessly and I think I've come to the realization that my biggest fear is that I just don't know how much more loss I can bear. If this pregnancy does not last I wonder if I will have the strength and courage to keep trying. I also just want to know the outcome now, even if it's not the outcome I want. It has been a very long 15 weeks. Every first trimester has been the same for me. I start throwing up daily (usually multiple times) somewhere between weeks 5-8 and continue until 14-16 weeks. That part alone is very exhausting and draining. I don't feel like myself. I wake up dreading to get out of bed because I know I'm heading straight to the toilet. And the rest of the day is up in the air as far as whether or not I'll be able to eat and keep food down. I suppose the physical exhaustion has contributed to the emotional exhaustion. We know that is usually the case since we are holistic beings, of which each part affects the other. Pregnancy after miscarriage has looked like this for me:

• Pregnancy test response: a pit in Eric and I's stomach. Of course we were excited but also felt hesitant to celebrate.
• Hesitant to tell others: after the miscarriage I now realize you have to untell every person you tell. I have found myself trying to "hide" this pregnancy from a lot of people.
• Hiding feels shame based: Somewhere deep down I somehow feel ashamed of my miscarriage. I know rationally speaking, I had no control of that. But somewhere in my heart it feels like a personal thing.
• I despise the prodding of others to choose optimism: I am a realist. I choose reality. "Now come on, we're not going to think like that. Everything will be fine!" I'm not going to put myself at risk for being ignorant. Right or wrong, I try to prepare myself for either reality, which has naturally led me to holding back.
• Holding back in embracing this pregnancy: I find myself not fully embracing this baby, even though I'm not proud to say that. I have listened to Selah's song "I Will Carry You" countless times b/c my heart is really to get to a place where I can say before God and this baby "you are mine to carry for this time. I embrace you today no matter what the outcome". Ironically enough, this is the best advice I received when I was pregnant with my firstborn. A critical moment of choosing to dive into my pregnancy regardless of the outcome (parenting vs. adoption) even though it felt like I was accepting more risk of pain if I chose adoption. Reality is I had much less regret b/c I knew I had fully embraced her both in utero and in the time I had with her at the hospital. I don't want to regret how I handle this.
• Doctors appointments involve a lot of nerves and sweating: I will never forget how it felt to have the ultrasound tech not find a heartbeat on the screen back in February. I actually have had many dreams/nightmares that this will happen again. I am currently nervous about our 18 week ultrasound for fear of the baby not being alive and/or not growing right.

I think that about sums it up. In sharing this, it is both cathartic for me but I also hope that when we come across people in a similar situation as mine, that maybe we can be more empathic with each other. That's not to say family and friends have not been empathic. It's just a lot of times, we don't invite each other into our private thoughts. I recently had a conversation with a lady who had a similar experience and she shared that I may not feel overall relief until I deliver a healthy baby. I appreciated that feedback. It felt good to think that maybe I'm not alone in my craziness.

We have also decided to do a Baby Gender Reveal Party. We really want to embrace this baby boy or girl and thought this party would help us as we continue to move forward. So on Wednesday (assuming baby cooperates) the ultrasound tech will write baby's gender on a piece of paper and we will take it to a baker without looking. With friends on Friday night, we will all find out the gender together when we cut into a cake and it is either pink or blue inside. Stay tuned for pics ;)

Disclaimer: although it was not emphasized I do realize how blessed I am to be a normally healthy person (of which many people cannot say) and that I am also blessed to be able to conceive and to have carried successfully in the past.

A Tribute to my Mom

This blog post came to me a few nights ago when I couldn't sleep. It's funny how that always seems to happen. I recently told Eric that I want to be a Fun Mom. Please note: Fun Mom does not = Cool Mom.

My Mom was a very fun Mom and I honor her for that today. I remember her dancing in the kitchen while she was making dinner or doing dishes. She never swept the floor without doing a little jig with the broom. I remember her putting whole chickens that she would clean up on the counter and making it "talk" to us. I remember her doing synchronized index finger dancing on the steering wheel while she was driving. I will always remember a story she told me about a time she was pushing me in the stroller into Elder Beerman (throw back) and the stroller totally collapsed on me. And after she checked to make sure I was ok we both erupted into uncontrollable laughter. When we recall certain stories like that one, we still share a contagious laughter. My sister gets in on that too. And our husbands, including my dad, will just sit there looking confused because they have no idea what we are laughing about. She was a fun Mom and that sense of humor, that good old fashioned fun never compromised her authority or the structure that our family had. When I was living at home after college I finally talked my mom into getting her eyebrows waxed. I went with her to support her. When that tech pulled off the tape for the first time we died laughing at the whole eyebrow that was on the tape. Then we laughed again when she took off a whole other eyebrow with the next tape. Mom looked in the mirror and she still had the equivalent of an eyebrow left. We couldn't stop laughing and I think the Esthetitian thought we were nuts. But another remarkable thing about my Mom is that she can laugh at herself.

Here's my Mom having fun square dancing with her partner Mae at our wedding:


My Mom was not a Cool Mom. She has never worn hip clothes. She never wears makeup (unless maybe some rouse to a special event). She always cries at weddings and baptisms and would embarrass us to death when we were young. She has refused to die her hair during the past few transitional years into gray. I have grown to admire that more and more over the years. She is a simple and a beautiful woman. One who has never given into the world and the world's standards. Instead she is a woman of faith. A faithful and loving wife and mother. She knows how to serve others more than anyone I've ever experienced. She is passionate about teaching. She is a loyal friend. The status of Cool is ever changing. All you have to do is pick up an In Style magazine to see that. When you focus on character instead of cool, life is so much simpler.

In the end maybe the fun Mom is the Coolest Mom. I had real conversations with my Mom. And although I sometimes held things back, for the most part I was able to be honest with my Mom.
In my teenage years, I had some very mean and disrespectful moments and on several accounts I remember my Mom also handling that with humor. She quoted Proverbs 31:28 "Her children rise up and call her Blessed." Mom would say, "Priscilla, One day you will rise up and call me Blessed!". I would laugh. I was so mean. But over the years as I have grown into a God-fearing Woman I have called her Blessed. A few years ago I found a Mother's Day card with that quote and I knew it was the perfect card for her.

As a Mom of two daughters, my Mom modeled great characteristics for my sister and me. She constantly had to battle our desires to want the cool clothes and cool cars. She instilled some incredible values in us. I wonder how much she was conscious of that or if it just flowed out of who she is? I, of course, still struggle with wanting to be cool, even at the age of 31. But I am so thankful I have a Mother who has modeled what a truly beautiful woman of Christ looks like. Really, all of Proverbs 31 describes my Mother. I hope to be half the Mom to my kids as she was and is to me!

The Woman Who Fears the Lord

10 An excellent wife who can find?

She is far more precious than jewels.

11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,

and he will have no lack of gain.

12 She does him good, and not harm,

all the days of her life.

13 She seeks wool and flax,

and works with willing hands.

14 She is like the ships of the merchant;

she brings her food from afar.

15 She rises while it is yet night

and provides food for her household

and portions for her maidens.

16 She considers a field and buys it;

with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.

17 She dresses herself with strength

and makes her arms strong.

18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.

Her lamp does not go out at night.

19 She puts her hands to the distaff,

and her hands hold the spindle.

20 She opens her hand to the poor

and reaches out her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,

for all her household are clothed in scarlet.

22 She makes bed coverings for herself;

her clothing is fine linen and purple.

23 Her husband is known in the gates

when he sits among the elders of the land.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them;

she delivers sashes to the merchant.

25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,

and she laughs at the time to come.

26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,

and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

27 She looks well to the ways of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her:

29 “Many women have done excellently,

but you surpass them all.”

30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,

and let her works praise her in the gates.

While I know that some of this passage is from a different time period I can still draw the characteristics in the meaning. My Mom is a hard worker. She has stood behind her Husband, my Father. She has a servant's heart and she worked hard to take care of her family. She still does work hard to take care of her family, as most recently evidenced by her devotion to her Father following the passing of her Mom. My Mom fears the Lord more than she fears the World. She is wise in that she knows that Charm is deceptive and Beauty is fleeting. And yet she is beautiful with a natural beauty. Her Children and her Grandchildren do rise and call her Blessed!