Postmodern effects on Parenting

Yesterday I caught a few minutes of The View (even though I was supposed to be studying for my upcoming licensure exam). Here's the thing....I love the View. I know so many people hate it but over the years I enjoy catching snippets of the show. I like to know what is going on in the industry and what popular views are being shared. Yesterday was a perfect case in point. Here is the advertisement of the segment from yesterday:

Out first guest, Rahna Reiko Rizzuto, left her children behind to focus on a career overseas then divorced her husband when she got back. Today, she revealed why she didn’t want to be a wife or mother anymore, and if she hadn’t gone to Japan, whether she thinks she would have had those feelings. To hear more of her story, pick up a copy of her book, Hiroshima in the Morning, which every member of our studio audience took home a copy of!

This is what I gathered from the segment. Rahna back peddled and claimed that she never wanted to be a mother. She said she did not become a mother until 34 because it took her and her husband a long time to decide. When she went to Japan for a research assignment for four months her sons were 3 and 5 years old. At that time she had been a full time stay at home mom. When she got to Japan she started having such a great time and started realizing she no longer wanted to be a full time mom or a wife. And to make matters better (sarcasm inserted here), her husband wanted to be a full time father so they rearranged everything. She moved down the street so that she was still close by and she gets to be a "mom at her best" part time. She said she really didn't enjoy being up seven times in the night with a child throwing up.

I really struggled mentally, which then affected me emotionally my first year of parenting. And I've come to realize it was because I was comparing everything to how my life was pre-motherhood. I would watch people reading at a bookstore with a hot cup of coffee and think about how I longed for that freedom again. I would think of how I needed to go to the dentist that I haven't been to for two years and how nothing is easy anymore. I have to hire a babysitter to go to the dentist now. In fact, if I was working I would at least be able to take an hour or two of PTO to go to doggone dentist. I would have pity parties for myself. I have really grown through this thinking. I have learned to accept and even better to enjoy this stage of my life. And I have learned how to better take time for me so that I can go get a cup of coffee and read a trash magazine at Barnes a Noble every once in a while.

Seeing this segment yesterday allowed me to realize how much our entitled and postmodern society infects us with lies. The lies tell us things like:
I deserve to be happy. (Of course you deserve to be happy but happiness is a temporary feeling. It comes and goes.)
I deserve to have the freedom to do what I want with my time.
If something doesn' t make me happy I can abort ship.
I deserve to be an independent woman and my marriage and kids have to fit in around that.
I shouldn't be "put out" by anyone, even if its my sick kid.
I want to be a mom. I just don't want to have to do all the icky work.

What is wrong with this picture????

First of all, God calls us to be fully selfless.
Philippians 2:4 "Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."
While I still struggle with being selfless which is often apparent in my relationship with my husband and my son, I am striving to be selfless. I know this is something I will need to continue to work on. When I start to get into negative thinking and want to throw myself a pity party because I'm focusing on the loss of freedoms I have, I take a step back and look at all I have to be thankful for. I am so blessed to be a mom and when I think about how the Lord has entrusted me to care for and to raise this sweet, innocent and impressionable Soul, I am overwhelmed with a sense of responsibility and honor.

God also calls us to contentment which means we are fully satisfied.

Hebrews 13:5-6 "Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?”
I still struggle with being content. Of course I would love to be in Japan doing research. I would love to explore a different county and to partake in the finest of foods. I would love to be able to take a bubble bath in my fancy hotel and order room service. But, Hello that is not my reality. I am seeking to be content with what I have. I know I am richly blessed and have so much to be thankful for. I have to guard my heart. Sometimes I have to turn off the TV that displays Hollywood Moms who have nannies so that they can go get their nails done and drink wine with friends over their luncheon dates. (LOL) How about some representation from a real housewife? One that wakes up to help her husband get his lunch packed, his shirt ironed, takes the dog out, makes breakfast, cleans up breakfast, gives a bath, all before even thinking about being able to take her own bath or to sip on a cup of hot coffee. Joy can be found in any situation. I am finding that joy as a mom. But after a segment like Rahna's on the View I stand back and think it's no wonder people are so discontent and families don't last. We are all believing lies about what we deserve.
I believe that joy is so much richer when you also experience the ups and downs of everyday living. What kind of parent would I be if I only wanted the good times with my son? What kind of love would I be demonstrating if every time he was sick or up all night because he's teething I passed him off or resented him for putting me out? This is not the love of a parent. It's in those difficult times that you are then able to experience the fullness of joy in the good times. Need I also mention that all of this applies to marriage as well? Rahna left both roles. She says that her sons are now 13 and 15 years old and she has a great relationship with them. I genuinely hope she does have a relationship with her children but it scares me that she has modeled for them that when things are not satisfying in life, you bail. You walk away. Is this not postmodernism at its finest? Whatever makes you happiest, you should pursue despite what or who you leave behind.

Thankful

Today is one those days that I feel so full of joy...it's like exploding from me. The sun is shining and I'm more grateful than ever for being able to be a (primarily) stay-at-home Mom and to be a mom to Simon. I am appreciating and enjoying my relationship with Simon so much. He's getting so communicative. He came to the kitchen to get me to show me a tower he had built with Eric last week and it melted me. The fruits of my labor to build this environment of trust and security are showing. He's learning to play more independently but he doesn't go too far without coming to check in with me. I could have never imagined the joys of parenting.

I've been thinking a lot lately about how grateful I am that I have not been angry about the miscarriage. I think we've dealt with it really well, so far. We've really accepted it and are still very hopeful. I still think about wanting another baby every day...every hour...well, a lot.

We close on our first home on Tuesday, a week from today! We are very excited and thankful as we look to the future. I have such mixed emotions about leaving CCU, esp after being the RD for five years. It's been so memorable and such an amazing time in our lives. I will miss so many things...the students, the community, the noises at all hours of the night. But I am so looking forward to a fenced in yard, a play room, a garage to pull into instead of having to walk 2 minutes to get to my car while carrying Simon. I am also hopeful to make some neighborhood friends.

Many things to look forward to...

Miscarriage

After two healthy pregnancies and deliveries I had not really considered myself at risk for a miscarriage. Eric and I found out we were pregnant on December 30, 2010. We were more than thrilled. We had been excited to have another child and were open to it ever since I had Simon. We thought the timing of this baby was perfect. Simon would get to have an active and fun summer with trips to pools, parks, and lots of time outside before the baby came at the end of August. I quickly began to have morning sickness all day every day in early January and was throwing up all the way to last Wednesday night. On Thursday morning we had a regular pregnancy appt. and Eric came with us so that he could hear the baby's heart beat. The nightmare started when the midwife could not find the heart beat. She tried to be positive and give some reasons why she may not hear it. Then she did a physical exam and said my uterus felt about 7 weeks pregnant and not 12, almost 13 as suspected. From here the comments went downhill. She said, "Maybe you're not as far along as we thought." I started to get upset b/c I knew to the day when we conceived. She sent us to the hospital to get an early ultrasound. The whole day began to gain a dark cloud around it although we still tried to remain positive. The ultrasound tech would not make eye contact and she offered no positive feedback. As soon as the ultrasound started I asked if there was a heart beat and she responded, "I'm not quite there yet". I've seen enough ultrasounds to know that the heart beat is very visible especially at 12 weeks. She then informed us that she needed to go get the Dr. We knew then that our baby was no longer living. The Dr. was as nice and as empathetic as he could possibly be but he had no good news for us. The baby stopped growing at 11 weeks, 5 days. He said it had probably just happened in the last few days. I was so confused why I hadn't had any signs and why my body was still acting pregnant. He said it can take your body 7 to 10 days to recognize the miscarriage. There was a moment I will always cherish. I was still laying on the ultrasound table sobbing and Simon came up and laid on me for a while. It was such an amazing moment. It was like he knew I needed that. I have so much to be thankful for.

I am thankful...
1) Eric was with me at this appointment so that we could support each other.
2) I am thankful we found out so quickly. I could have heard the heart beat a few days earlier and been shocked to experience a miscarriage.
3) I am thankful I did not experience a miscarriage at home.
4) I am thankful we were able to have a D&C the following day.
5) The Midwives are so amazing and so giving of themselves. We saw three different ones from our practice between Thursday and Friday and felt loved by each of them.
6) We are so thankful for such generous friends and family who have showered us with love, food, flowers and support.
7) I am thankful for Simon who has not skipped a beat and has so much energy. I can't lay around and wallow b/c he needs me. And when he comes to give me a hug, it's such a huge blessing.
8) And of course I'm thankful for Eric. I feel so blessed to call him husband and I would choose no one else to go through a loss with.

Due to my past losses I have always feared either not being able to conceive or not being able to carry a pregnancy. In so many ways, one of my biggest fears just became a reality. But thankfully I am not angry at God at this time. Our church is going through a series right now about big questions. "Doubt vs. Belief", "Suffering vs. a Loving God", "Jesus vs. Religion", etc. Eric and I left the Doubt vs. Belief service and we processed how thankful we are that we have such a firm foundation of faith. We owe a lot of this to our parents for raising us in the church. I understand theologically why there is suffering in the world. And I accept this miscarriage as not God's plan for us but as part of the fall of man. I do also know, by faith, that the Lord will use this loss to bring Him glory. I don't know how but I know He will. I know that by faith I will try to conceive and hope to become a mother again. If I don't or can't, we will pursue other options to expand our family.


I am a planner. I like schedules. I crave predictability. I wanted this baby to be a part of our future. I had already dreamed about so many things for our family that involved this baby. I will grieve all of those dreams that are lost. But the Lord continues to bring me back to surrendering my plan and my schedule. I don't really have that much control anyways. The Lord knows the desires of my heart and he wants me to prosper. He loves us and wants good things for us. But in the end I have to trust Him. Just like I had to trust Him when I waited for what seemed like an eternity to meet Eric who would become my husband. I will wait for another child. And in the meantime, I pray that I will love the heck out of Simon and not take him for granted. I pray that Eric and I will be drawn closer together through this. I pray that we will grieve a loss that is significant for our family.

Birthday and Fall Videos

This is Simon's first taste of cake although he has had a few tastes of ice cream:



Part 2 of the cupcake:



Simon likes to talk on the phone:



A visit to the Pumpkin Patch:



And some cute laughs over breakfast:

9/27/09 Simon Curtis Peters born at 4:24 p.m.
(due 9/17 by the way)

A Walk Down Memory Lane...Simon's First Year


First family photo right after birth...such an amazing feeling. Natural Childbirth was THE most bonding experience for Eric and I to date.




Our "front door" to our apt. in the residence hall upon bringing Simon home for the first time. I will always remember the love I felt returning to this door. Simon loves all the people here and he literally waves as soon as we walk onto campus to everyone in sight. His life and ours are so blessed by this community daily!


Simon is 6 days old here. We don't look half bad for all those sleepless nights :)









Kacey and I with our boys, born one day apart. Simon and Scout are about 8 weeks old here. Just after this picture was taken we had to say good-bye to our neighbors and good friends. I have thought about them everyday this past year. Simon and Scout would have been best buds. Kacey and Micah were the best neighbors we've ever had.


Sometimes the Lord knows what we need before
we can even ask him and Melissa has been one
of those constant blessings to me this year. Her
little girl is six weeks ahead of Simon and not a week has gone by that we haven't encouraged each other through text/facebook, drank coffee together, or ran together with our baby joggers.







I can easily say my mom is the most thoughtful person I know. She has been a constant encourager, listener, rescuer and giver to our family this year. I hope to be as generous as my Mom.
























I took on teaching two classes at CCU and thank God Miss Adina offered to babysit while I taught. Adina is a beautiful woman and a wonderful lover of children. Thank you so much Adina for loving Simon so well and for loving Penny. You were so much more than a babysitter...you became a part of our family. We so look forward to what God has in store for your life.





And last but not least, I would like to whole-heartedly
nominate Eric for "Father of the Year". Eric is an amazing father. Watching Eric put Simon first as soon as he gets home from work everyday has been such a gift. Simon lights up and they have such a bond. I am continually blessed. Eric has supported me as I have many times struggled to adjust to being a primarily stay at home mom. He has been by my side as I nursed Simon for a year. (Crazy!) He used to kill himself to get home so that I could go to Yoga once a week for some much needed "me time". (one time he even wrecked his car b/c he was in such a hurry) Eric is really good at affirming my needs. Eric and I have always been honest about our relationship not being perfect but I am thankful for the commitment we have to each other and to our family. We have definitely grown so much this year.




I had no idea how this little man would change my life as I was looking down on him on this day but oh my, am I grateful. Becoming a mom has been incredibly emotional for me for many reasons. It's also allowed for a significant amount of spiritual growth. God has revealed to me areas of my self that needed some work...selfishness and impatience are just two examples of that. I am honored to be Simon's mom. I am so blessed by him. Just in the last week he has started to intentionally give me hugs and wet kisses and it has done amazing things to my heart. Thank you Lord for the blessing of children.









The list goes on and on to those who have blessed our lives this year. There are really too many to mention and you know who you are.
Yours Truly, One Sappy Momma

Simon Loves Penny

Simon is learning to dance and it is too cute. (Also, don't you love the bed head!)



I wish I could have caught all of this on video. They kept going back and forth.

Westside Love @ Vitor's

This is the first of my Food Review Blog Posts (which will include pictures when I remember my camera). I grew up eating nice and well-balanced home cooked meals, thanks to my Mom! Once I began waitressing in college, my love for food launched into a true passion. Those of you who know me well know that I LOVE food!!! I love Good Food with Fresh Ingredients. I especially like to support the local food industry here in Cincinnati and when we travel. Even though I do love First Watch (Note: Chain restaurant) local breakfasts offer such a better dining experience. By the way...you should also check out the Greenup Cafe in Covington.

This morning Eric, Simon and I tried Vitor's. It was delicious and the ambiance was perfect, complete with a coffee bar with six different blends with regular AND chocolate creamer. There was no Splenda but let's be honest, I need to cut myself off from those mysterious sugarless crystals anyways. We feasted on the Mocha French Toast and a Gourmet Omelet filled with red peppers, red onions, thickly sliced mushrooms and filled with cream cheese garnished with fresh fruit (which entertained Simon). We sat out on the shaded patio amidst blooming flowers.

You can find Vitor's here. I highly recommend it! Why pay $25 for a gourmet breakfast you ask? Because it's all about the Experience People!!! What a great way to start a Saturday. Next time we will try their lunch and/or dinner menu. And just so you know....we held back on trying the Breakfast Eggrolls and the Hot, Fresh Donuts which I am confident would have been spectacular!

This is our Summer list so far of places we will be visiting soon:
Myra Dionysus in Clifton
Melt in Northside
Blue Ash Chili (Recently featured on Drive In's Diner's and Dives)
Terry's Turf Club in Mt. Washington (Also recently featured on Drive In's Diner's and Dives)

Let me just say....if someone would pay me to eat food, I would greatly appreciate it!